I'm not going to lie, this past week has been a hard one. As our timeline for moving diminishes, and the official move date (January 11th) is soon approaching, all my fears and doubts are settling in. I am not at all nervous about living in Haiti. I am still just as excited as ever. But packing up my life here in Nashville is beginning to be painful.
For starters, I love my job. God blessed me to work in the most amazing school with the most amazing kids. Although I come home most days with a headache, I usually spend most of my work day laughing both with and at my students. As of now, they have no idea that I am about to abandon them in a few weeks. And as my days left with them decrease, my heart is slowly breaking.
I am going through a phase of serious questioning with my career. A year ago, I was praising God for blessing me with my teaching job. And now, I am leaving it. And that scares me. I mean, where will I teach when I come back? What if I can't find a teaching job? What if I don't get a grade I like or even a school I like? Why on earth would I leave the most perfect teaching job at the start of my career with no guaranteed future? Am I about to make the biggest mistake of my life? Am I crazy?
The answer to that last question is "Yes". I am crazy because I serve a crazy, wonderful God. I know He sees the bigger picture to my life, and I am choosing to trust him every step of the way, no matter where He takes me or what He has me doing for a career.
And as this week is coming to a close, I am taking time to think of the kids at the CHCH. Just a few minutes looking through pictures and my heart is reminded of where it belongs.
Another cure to my week of doubt has been Chris Tomlin's new CD. On it, there is a song called, I Will Follow. The chorus has been a perfect reminder to me that my first job is to follow God, not an earthly career.
Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you
I thank God for the life He blessed Hunter and I with in Nashville. He gave us great jobs, a nice home, wonderful friends, an amazing school, and most of all a loving and passionate church family. Although it would be comfortable to stay here forever, God is calling us to something greater. I love my students here in Nashville, but I would give up anything for those kids at the CHCH, including my life in Nashville and the job of my dreams. Just like the song says, If this life I lose, I will follow You!